The end of 2008 and the beginning of 2009 haven't really been that great in our little world. Not in a dreadful, dreadful way and I do count my blessings, believe me, but we seem to have had a run of 'stuff'. Elise was diagnosed with severe ADHD and then we were faced with the difficult decision of giving her medication or not. After much soul searching and research, we decided to go down this route but not without severe forebodings about what might happen. I don't know why, but I felt so guilty when telling friends about our decision, almost as if I was letting Elise down some way by not managing to cope with her without medication. The factor which really swung it for us though was the fact that she is starting to get bullied a little at school. Being so often 'in  pickle' her classmates have started blaming her for things, even when she isn't around! Bearing in mind that the perpetrators are just four, coming on five, this made us quite worried as to what the future holds in store for her. Well, we decided to try Ritalin and thank goodness it has paid off! Life is much calmer and Elise is much happier, although going to sleep really late!

Having just got our head around this, and then after a meeting with a new paediatrician, it has been decided to test her for Aspergers as she is showing a lot of the characteristics. I'm not 100% convinced of this as it can be related to attachment disorder, but we will have to wait and see what happens.

On the same day as getting this news we had a really interesting meeting with a sensory integration therapist about Elise (how I get anything else done I'll never know!) It turns out that Elise has got significant issues with fear of abandonment, so new exercises have been introduced into our already hectic schedule. Rather than walking out of the door, we now have to do ten minutes of deep pressure massage to calm down her anxieties about going out, by which time I am sure that she or Michael will need the toilet again!

Michael is in relatively good health, apart from a digestive problem which resulted in us going gluton free for a while. For most people this would have been a trauma but in the scheme of things, this was just another thing on the list! Michael has also had a cognitive assessment which showed that he is roughly four and a bit years behind his chronological age - at an age of seven, this is quite a bit less than we had hoped. Strange, isn't it, that even though you know something, when someone actually says and you see it written down in black and white, it always seems so much worse and harder to handle.

Anyway, in the middle of all this, John and I have been trying to get on with things but it has been quite tough. Putting on a calm veneer when you are being told that your son will always have to live with support or acknowledging the fact that your daughter has deep psychological issues which cannot be solved overnight, is relatively easy until you come home, shut that front door and face the stark reality by yourself. Questions, uncertainties and panic rushes through your head and the crux of the matter is that there is not much that you can do about it all, apart from being the best Mum or Dad that you can. The scarey thing is when you have a bad day and that bad day turns into three and then a week. Having been depressed before, it is a worrying feeling not knowing if this is a temporary blip or a spiral down - one of my friends calls it the bath plug effect, pulling you down without you being able to stop it. Innocuous things that would otherwise wash over, become big issues and throwaway comments really, really hurt. Kindnesses lead to floods of tears and those who are truly your friends shine through.

And what to do about it? Apart from waving that magic wand and making things all better, there isn't much really when it comes down to it. The weird thing about all of it though, is that my special little girl and my wonderful son (and John!) are what keep me going and give me purpose. These two individuals who cause me such heart-ache and worry, are the two who only have to smile or lay their hand on me, and in a second they have completely brightened up my day. Honestly! Kids! Who would be without them!?