Firstly, apologies to everyone for the lack of blogs in recent weeks. Not really sure what has happened this year, but what with a seemingly endless run of minor illness, Open University, Face 2 Face, knocking two walls down and having a new kitchen installed as well as the usual day to day tasks, appointments etc., time has absolutely flown! I could really do with a 30 hour day but even then, I think that I would still run out of time to do what I want and need to. Recently saw a really pertinent cartoon in one of the Sunday magazines which said "Not sure if I am running towards something or running away.." which really struck home. Everyone always says that I do too much which is true, I suppose, but in a way, keeping busy is my way of not having to think of things too hard!
Am just embarking on a new battle, this time with Social Services as I attempt to get Direct Payments. Over the Easter, we all went for a week to Devon which was absolutely fantastic but really made me realise how much I need an extra pair of hands. Having John there all day to help was great and my stress levels really melted away as I began to feel like a Mum again rather than a referee/ the riot police/ minder….! It is so easy just to poodle on without realising how hard things are as everything that we do so easily becomes our normal and becomes subsumed into what we do day in and day out without a second thought. It is not until we have the opportunity to step back that we realise how wearing things really are and also how run down we are too. I cannot remember a year where I have had so many colds and coughs and I am sure that this is due to sheer exhaustion.
Asking for help is a difficult thing as I feel like I am admitting that I am not coping, when I am (usually!) though things could be a lot easier. I am also sick and tired of everyone knowing our business and having to go over the same thing time and time again. Anyway, I have decided to grab the bull by the horns and rang our local social services where I was put through to a lady who, after a five minute conversation, decided that we were not going to be entitled to anything. Apparently our children are not severe enough and I get a break from them when they are at school and couldn't I just send them to a child minder?
Now, I know that we have not got an official diagnosis and therefore not a nice neat tick box to fit into, but between the two of them we have got, ADHD, dyspraxia, ataxia, attachment disorder, autistic traits, moderate learning difficulties, physical tremor and gross and fine motor delay, cystinuria and eating disorders so I would say that we have more to deal with than the average family. How on earth this lady could make such a judgement in five minutes, I don't know and I would like to see a child minder who could deal with Michael and Elise when they are 'off on one' individually let alone at the same time! Of course, I am now waiting for the obligatory "I will get back to you" phone call, which translated means "I will wait until you have the time and energy to get back to me in the hope that you won't!". Not holding my breath but will definitely fight our corner - again.