Not really sure what has happened to our family in the last week but everything has gone a bit calm and a vague sense of normalness has descended amongst us. Maybe its just a dream and I will wake up in the shower (yes I am showing my age!) so I am enjoying the moment whilst it lasts. I am not saying that things are all plain sailing by any means - we had a full on tantrum last night because I had changed my son's duvet cover and it was not the right one - but things have definitely calmed a little.

Part of this change I think is that Elise is now doing every morning at school which gives me some time to myself and allows me to do chores. I even mowed the lawn today, not very exciting I know but even simple jobs like this were nigh on impossible until recently. I also did my own ironing rather than having to rely on Homecare which for me was a big step and made me feel that I was regaining a little bit of control of my life. How sad is that - enjoying ironing!

Another change is that the kids have both decided that they want to sleep in the same room and I cannot believe the difference it has made. Rather than messing around as I expected, they are sleeping so much earlier and for longer too. We worked out that Elise is now having about two extra hours sleep a night since she has been sleeping with her brother! Quite funny last night as Michael fell out of bed and bless him tried to climb back in and get snuggly. Only trouble was he climbed into Elise's bed on top of her! A bit of a wriggly mattress there Michael!

This extra time did make me reflect a little as to how things have changed over the last six years. Looking back, I can't believe how we managed to get through certain situations but we always did, lurching from one stress to the next, expecting things to fall apart and go wrong. I remember vividly waking up every morning felling utterly depressed and spending the rest of that day trying not to burst into tears. Playing with my son became a mechanical exercise and whilst everyone around me was extolling the virtues of parenthood, I could not remember a time that I had been so down. The decision to adopt Elise was complex, but one of the reasons that I wanted to adopt was that I could not go through all the baby and toddler stage, not that we ever toddled, as for me it has such sad memories.

Whilst we appreciate the little things that our children do much more than other parents I have also realised that I am beginning to appreciate my own little achievements and things around me. I know that life is not going to be easy for any of us, but it did really hit me today how lucky I really am. I have two wonderful children who love each other to pieces and an incredibly supportive husband and friend who has always been there and been my strength. The silly little things that others take for granted like mowing, ironing and even going to the loo by myself are truly not things that I take for granted any more and for the first time in a long while I feel that the fog is lifting ever so slightly. Even if it is temporary, I am determined to make the most of it.