Special Families

Having two children with quite complex special needs makes life more than a little interesting! One comment we get frequently when the topic comes up is "Oh that is a shame!" Whilst in all honesty I would not have chosen for Michael to have the issues that he has, this always brings a wry smile to my face as I and certainly he would not regard his life as one to be pitied. From our point of view, we made a conscious choice to have two children with additional needs as Elise is adopted and has been with us now for five eventful years. Not knowing anything any different, we parent in a slightly less conventional way but to us that is our normal - whatever that ise! Yes, things are difficult at times and when your child is standing there laying into you physically and emotionally , there are times when one does wonder what life would be like if it had taken a different path, but genuinely these moments are brief and I love my children to pieces even if at times I do not like them as much as I should!

Nearly everything that I do now revolves around special needs, whether it is being on committees, fund raising groups, special needs befriending or running Special Families. Every single one of my friends apart from one has a child with additional needs - not a process which has been by design (you don't have a child with additional needs - not my friend!) but purely due to the fact that we all share a common bond and empathy which others simply do not have, however well meaning. It sound crass but I really do love what I do, none of which would have happened if I had not found myself in the situation that we are now in. Every little achievement, every little smile, fills me with pride beyond explanation and I am safe in the knowledge that I can do no more for my children than I am. Their lives are full. Elise swims three times a week, plays golf, does horseriding, goes to gym club and loves art and is about to start playing the violin (still not sure about that one!) Michael loves everything. He swims twice a week, plays golf, rides, attends sports club and the gym, is learning the cornet, plays football, loves his bike and gardening. All done in a slightly modified way but all done with vigour and enthusiasm. We went to Stoke Mandeville mini games run by Disability Sports England a few weeks back and he was awarded the trophy for Best boy  -  not for winning everything but for his enthusiasm and good sportsmanship. I know that my children do not think that their lives are a shame or that they should be pitied. I certainly do not and wish that people would look beond the label and see how rich and fulfilling all of our lives are.