Our Diary
Since we have started this web site just over a year ago now, we have never named our children, largely due to the issues relating to our daughters adoption. "Our son" and "our daughter" always sounds so formal though, so John and I have decided that we will start using our children’s middle names from now on (also they are much quicker to type!) Our son is Michael and our daughter is Elise, so there you are - outed on the internet!
Hope you all have a great holiday and lets hope that this weather gets better soon!
2 wobbly children, one of which lives life at a rate of knots and crashes into everything, are a recipe for disaster. So, I guess it was just a matter of time before we ended up in Accident and Emergency. The accident itself seemed trivial enough, just a stumble whilst playing (the physio had been trying to teach our daughter to walk backwards earlier that day!) but she must have fallen awkwardly. It took a few hours for me to realise something was really up as she just went quiet and wanted a cuddle all the time so I thought she must be sickening, by which time I had to text my husband to get him back from a Larry Carlton gig so that I could have the car for the inevitable run down to casualty. Listening to an old lady who'd had a brandy and fallen out of bed helped pass the time (!) and an hour and a half later we marched off to the X-Ray department for a scan, the results of which showed a fractured collarbone in our daughter's left shoulder. 6 weeks of trying to keep a child with probable ADHD and Dyspraxia from crashing into a wall and causing more damage sounds like a problem from the Krypton Factor to me. She must be on the up though because today she dived off the settee and crashed on the floor, fortunately with no lasting consequences!
The biggest worry I have at the moment about this is that our son might thump or push our daughter during one of their frequent spats. We were due to meet the community behavioural psychologist regarding our son's possible autism at some point, but I was fortunate enough to get a cancellation for late last week. I was hoping for some advice on behavioural management strategies but he spent the whole hour asking us questions about our son whilst our daughter performed tricks sitting on the floor, as best as you can with your arm in a sling anyway!. This must be the hundredth time we've had to go through every detail with a new health professional, I feel like just taping the whole thing, marching in, dumping the tape on the consultant's lap and marching out sometimes. The end result was that he probably has a borderline diagnosis of autism (nothing new there then) and no behavioural advice at all. Meanwhile our daughter was attempting to reprogramme John's PDA by bashing it and the consultant commented "aah, she's got it all hasn't she. It's a shame she's not cute", quickly followed by "but of course she is gorgeous"! What was that all about? I honestly think he was trying to wind us up to breaking point so he could take John and I on as clients and make more money!
I think of myself as a liberal and fair minded person, but I'm shamed to admit that before we had our son I was unaware and to some extent nervous of individuals with special needs. People in wheelchairs were "OK" as their disability was predictable and visible but those who made random noises and movements were different. Were they potentially dangerous or would they suddenly embarrass me in public if they came close? What would I say if "one of them" wanted to have a conversation?
Thankfully, I'm now educated and super sensitive to these issues but I'm saddened that so many others will have similar, or even more extreme, reactions to our children. There seems to be such ignorance surrounding the behavioural and mental issues which our children have to face day in and day out. Both of our children look relatively normal (whatever that means!) and although I am completely biased are very gorgeous! Whenever we meet new people and their special needs come up, I can lay money on the fact that someone will say "But they look normal, don't they". Well yes, they do not have two heads if that is what you mean. Having a disability does not necessarily mean that you are going to be in a wheelchair or be physically different. The number of times that I have been in Tesco car park and I have been reminded by someone, usually an old lady, that the disabled car parking spaces are for the disabled and not for children. Aaagh! We even had our car keyed the other week because I got into an argument with a man who adopted the same argument, but that is a different story…
Frustratingly, we still get many disapproving looks from people as our children shriek and shout around the shops. During a trip to the chemist this week our daughter kept on sticking her leg out of the pram, something she always does and which usually I take no notice of. Because the shop aisle was narrow I asked her to put her leg in, which she did, but as per usual she forgot two seconds later and stuck it back out again. At this point a lady sitting near said in a loud voice "Naughty, look, she has just stuck it out again!" What on Earth did it have to do with her? In fact, our daughter was not being naughty but her special needs mean that she finds it hard to retain information. This also ended up in an altercation so I am getting quite worried about myself!
Even some of those close to us who are supposed to be tuned in to our children's issues do not seem to have much of a clue about how to handle our children's behaviour. The comment "Why is it that whatever she does is naughty" is typical. Because you cannot especially see her special needs does not mean to say that they are not there and what may be interpreted as naughty by the ignorant is actually part of their character and self. She might forget to say please and thank you for her food, but the fact that she is eating and might actually want seconds is a revelation in itself. Yes, she might have unravelled all the toilet paper but firstly, does it really matter and secondly she is not being naughty but is exploring what happens when you pull that bit - great!
We all want our children to be rounded, polite individuals but to be honest, there are other priorities than social niceties, fitting into the social box, making others happy. If other people cannot accept my children then it is their loss because even though they are hard work, they are fantastic wonderful children and I would not change them for the world. I recently saw a little boy with a T shirt on that read " I have got Autism - what's your problem?" I think that says it all.